In this eBook, the author is Swedish, and had a compelling story to tell and excellent health care information. We approached with a blend of light and heavy editing, and the author is pleased with the final book. In this project I offered two different versions of edits (light and heavy) to determine which best fit the author’s intentions and style.
Two sample edits follow:
The first is a light edit, with just a focus on verb tense and tightening sentences for brevity and clarity. The second is nearly a rewrite of the original, with a stronger opening to increase drama and hook the reader. Again, sentences were tightened for flow and clarity, but original ideas remained (and I indicated an area for expansion on).
My notes to the author included “Overall, you can see where I shortened sentences and paragraphs to make it easier for readers to follow your ideas. If I had more information I could indicate more areas for expansion – like in the final paragraphs of the edit sample. Some of the sentences don’t give much information (“It’s a sign of our times, I suppose”, and others in the final paragraphs could be done better if I had more info) Please let me know what you think, and what your goals are for your piece. ~ Angela”
If nothing else, this shows I value client communication and try my best to make the piece fit their vision.
First edit (light): Who am I and why am I writing this book?
As I type this I will soon turn 38 years old; I’m a woman in my prime who is trying to live life to the fullest. I have a daughter who is nearly seven and I’m married to an Irish man who just happens to be the best husband and father in the world.
We’re currently located in my hometown of Gothenburg, Sweden, we moved here shortly after my daughter was born in Ireland. I work full-time for a Swedish international company and am probably working too much, but life is generally good. We try to travel as much as possible to see other cultures and to experience the world.
I spend a lot of my time researching health and lifestyle changes, now one of my main interests. This was not always the case, but it became my calling after being very ill for a number of years.
* YOU SHOULD GIVE THE FULL NAME AND BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF YOUR ILLNESS HERE
Before developing PPP my immune system had gradually declined over the last couple of years. About six months after my daughter was born, I always seemed to have a cold, and developed strange skin symptoms. I continually suffered from thrush — which understandably affected my love life. My skin got really bad and I developed Rosacea, a facial condition where your skin goes red and little spots appeared everywhere. I had a recurring sty on my eye lid and the eyelashes kept falling off.
All of these were warning signs, which I chose to ignore at the time.
Today I know better. My body was trying to tell me something wasn’t right and to slow down. I pushed myself too hard in every direction — I wanted to have a successful career, marriage, and family. I tried to be perfect at everything, and failed.
It’s a sign of our times, I suppose. (*MAY NEED STRONGER TIE IN TO TOPIC CHANGE) I didn’t care about what type of food I put in to my body. Food was not on my priority list back then as there was no time to prepare nutritious food.
Or, so I thought. We all set our own priorities. And I soon learned to reprioritize.
I was shocked to find there was no quick fix. Doctors suggested some lotions and potions, but that was about it. I didn’t know much about autoimmune diseases. Neither did the doctors.
I had loads of questions but didn`t get any answers. The doctors couldn`t help me. I already had my five minutes which doctors are scheduled to dedicate to each patient here in Sweden. Off to back home they sent me, ready to deal with the next patient.
END OF EDIT (cut to 440 words – was originally 505 words)
*
Second edit (heavier): Who am I and why am I writing this book?
I’m a 38 year old woman who’s trying to live life to the fullest, along with my wonderful daughter and husband. We live in my hometown of Gothenburg, Sweden and try to travel as much as possible – we love to see other cultures and experience the world. I have a great job and a loving family. Life is pretty good.
Except that I now live with a chronic illness.
* YOU SHOULD GIVE THE FULL NAME AND BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF YOUR ILLNESS HERE
My journey began shortly after my daughter was born. I always seemed to have a cold, and developed strange skin symptoms. I constantly had thrush — which understandably affected my love life. My skin got really bad and I developed Rosacea, a facial condition where your skin goes red and little spots appeared everywhere. I had a recurring a sty on my eye lid and the eyelashes kept falling off.
All of these were warning signs, which I chose to ignore at the time.
Today I know better. My body was trying to tell me something wasn’t right and to slow down. I pushed myself too hard in every direction — I wanted to have a successful career, marriage, and family. I tried to be perfect at everything, and failed.
It’s a sign of our times, I suppose. (*MAY NEED STRONGER TIE IN TO TOPIC CHANGE) I didn’t care about what type of food I put in to my body. Food was not on my priority list back then as there was no time to prepare nutritious food.
Or, so I thought. We all set our own priorities. And I soon learned to reprioritize.
I was shocked to find there was no quick fix. Doctors suggested some lotions and potions, but that was it. I didn’t know much about autoimmune diseases. Neither did the doctors.
I had loads of questions but didn`t get any answers. The doctors couldn’t help me. I already had my five minutes which doctors are scheduled to dedicate to each patient here in Sweden. Off back home they sent me, ready to deal with the next patient. I was left alone.
END OF EDIT (cut to 350 words – was originally 505 words)
*
ORIGINAL 500 word excerpt
As I type I will soon turn 38 years old, I’m a woman in my prime who is trying to to live and enjoy life to the full. I have a daughter who is nearly 7 and married to an Irish man who just happens to be the best husband and father in the world. At the moment we are located in Gothenburg, Sweden, my home town and where we moved to from Ireland shortly after my daughter was born. I’m working full-time for a Swedish international company and are probably working too much, but generally life is good. When I’m not working and minding my daughter we do try to travel as much as possible to see other cultures and to experience the world.
I spend a lot of my time to research health and lifestyle changes, as the subject are now one of my main interest. This was not always the case but it became my calling after being really sick for a few years.
Before developing PPP my immune system had gradually declined over the last couple of years this was before I finally received the correct diagnosis and it was explained to me I had PPP. It all stared 6 months after my daughter was born. I always seemed to have a cold. I was continually suffering with thrush which understandably affected my love life, my skin got really bad and I developed Roscea, a facial condition where your skin goes red and small little spots appear everywhere. I also kept getting a sty on my eye lid and the eyelashes kept falling off. All of this was warning signs which I at the time choose to ignore. Today I obviously beating myself up for it. My body was trying to tell me something wasn’t right and to slow down. I was living in the fast lane and pushed myself too hard at work, I wanted to have a successful career, being a super woman and at the same time trying to be the perfect mother and wife. Well a sign of our times I suppose. I wasn’t thinking nor caring about what type of food I put in to me. Food was not on my priority list back than as there was no time to prepare nutritious food, well so I thought. We all set our own priorities.
It also shocked me a bit after receiving my PPP diagnoses there was no quick fix medication to take. I didn’t know much about autoimmune diseases. Yes I knew of cancer, MS and HIV, but that was something that happened to other people, not me. The doctors didn’t seem to know much about the disease either. They suggested a few lotions and potions but that was about it. I had loads of questions but did not get any answers. Off home they sent me and eager to deal with the next patient. I had already gotten my 5 minutes which they are scheduled to dedicate to each patient here in Sweden.
*
END OF EXCERPT — ALL COPYRIGHT BELONGS TO THE AUTHOR
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